I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
