she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
