I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I could make wine with my vomit
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
