Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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