u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Randomize
