i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
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