I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize