We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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