Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
