If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
