xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
