I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Randomize
