I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Acid is not a monday night drug
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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