bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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