she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
