I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
