remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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