Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize