Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
