Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
so much tequila, so little girl.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize