I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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