I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
