She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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