remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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