you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
