You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
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