i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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