you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
