You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
We talked him into tasing himself.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
