ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
