Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
