Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Randomize
