am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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