I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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