Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
