I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
