dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
