it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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