I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
