She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
