I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
