Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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