I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
