Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
