Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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