kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
