If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
