Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
