Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
