We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
