I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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