Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
