im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
