After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Are we still banned from the library?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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