Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I look better un-naked...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
