i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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