Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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