The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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