k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
