So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
