I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
They have beer where we have blood.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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