Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize