That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I party with great urgency now.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
