i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
