yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
