you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
