she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I have fence marks all over my body
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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