Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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