Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
