I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
