I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
