last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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