They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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