I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize