i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
