you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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