I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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