just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
