pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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