people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
