I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
