If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Randomize
