there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize