She is in my trunk
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize