I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
