He disabled his match.com account in front of me
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize