You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
