I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
